Forget the Jumper Cables ... I Got a New Furnace!

Things are looking up!!

Sooooo... again - or more accurately: "Still" ... struggling with my focus and training :/  New year often is a great time to "turn the page", and of course, I tried this.  The down side is the gym is PACKED with newbies also trying, but good for them, and may they stay on track and remain motivated and committed to their goals and resolutions.

But for me, the new year started with ... the flu. Husband woke up on his 47th BD with the flu. In the six years I've known him, this was the sickest he's been. And for the longest. I suppose timing could have been worse, though. While we question whether this is a sign of what his 47th year will be like, (hoping it's not a prognostic indicator!), he was on the front side of a 4 day weekend. Yes, all 4 days were spent with two "sickies" in the house! Thankfully, no kids. While I didn't get it as bad a he did, I still felt pretty wiped out and lethargic, along with that fun GI crap that goes along with the flu.

So Tuesday, January 3rd comes along, and I have high hopes ... but I'm just not there, physically, or emotionally.  I DID make it to the CTC Polar Plunge, and that was fun, but it really kicked my ass in terms of energy expenditure. Pitiful!!! I went home to bathe, nap, nap, read, and nap. Rinse and repeat.  Tuesday I had a house call and figured I'd head over to the gym ... but the GI started acting up, a snowstorm was brewing right over Beachwood, and those two excuses were enough to have me head home. I was optimistic about 3-5 miles on the dreadmill at home, but nope, nada.  Instead, I did some house cleaning and research on Continuing Education for my vet license. I was happy to find that I could avoid OVMA this year, and all the expenses that go along with that 4 day conference in Columbus, by taking a 4 week course in Endocrinology, a 3 part course in Immunology, and a Flea seminar, with the latter two being free, and the Endo course being less than $200!!! Woot, woot!! So, that's good news! Plus, I used to LOATHE Endo, but now, with the 'betes, and teaching Pharmacology and Medical Terminology, I've learned so much about it, that I really think this advanced course will be interesting and useful for me!! So, I'm stoked. At least I can muster up enthusiasm about that little nugget.

But I digress ... At the end of 2011 I reflected. 2011 SUCKED. Sucked ass (sorry for the cuss, but it's just who I am!).  It sucked on SO MANY LEVELS, that it made 2010 look "amazing"! So I began to figure out how I can make 2012 NOT SUCK? Well, part of why 2011 sucked was due to my races and poor performances, barring the Musselman 70.3, where I literally pulled a PR out of my ass.

I began to plan a race calendar for 2012 that I would be excited for. AND, I had an epiphany - or an etiffany, as I sometimes call it.  I created a group, a website, for athletes with diabetes. I nailed a cool name: "Athletes with the 'Betes"  Cool, huh??  So far, people have been pretty receptive!  I created a website (www.athleteswiththebetes.com)  (Note: Site still under construction, but open to suggestions, recommendations and constructive criticism), and started to spread the word to my 'betes friends. I have a calendar there, and my hope is that people will post the races, games, events they are doing (not JUST triathlon!) and we'll have a nice idea of who is doing what, where. We'll begin to have a PRESENCE and people will see that WE CAN be competitive!  So, that got me excited!!

My race calendar looks good. Real good. I'm excited about it! Also, one of my 'betes friends, in New Zealand, is putting together a team to do IMNZ in 2013. I was invited!!!  I feel honored!  My first question: what's the fundraising obligation? Now, as you know, I've done that. Triabetes - I raised 3,500 with the generous help and support of all of YOU!! That's partly why 2010 was so amazing for me! But fundraising is HARD!!! And in this economy, it's even harder each year. I am struggling with my own finances, so a fundraising obligation is not something I want to tackle at this point in my life. Those of you that follow me on Facebook know about my flooded crawl space and drowned furnace. Well, that set us back PLENTY!!  (Huge thanks to my plumber/heating & cooling guy, who did a super job at helping us get things resolved and at a very fair, reasonable fee!!! Cleveland peeps needing a referral, please hit me up - Dave D'Amico has been very good to me over the past 8 years!)

Okay, okay ... not only am I an "interrupter", I am easily diverted to a tangent topic. Yes, one of many character flaws!  So, the fundraising obligation? Zero. Zip. Nada. My favorite flavor!! The fees will "just" be registration and of course, getting to NZ. But I have over a year to plan for that.  So, I'm tentatively in for this! Registration is in March ... need to get the registration fee lined up and then present my plan to my hubby. I've merely mentioned it in passing ... we've been planning to go to Hawaii in Dec. 2012 for our 5 yr anniversary, for some time, so I need to find a way to do both. Plus figure out if "we" would be going to NZ or if I would go solo, to race, then return.  Gosh, who knows what I'll be doing in March 2013!!  New job? School? Same jobs? So much to think about!

So, that stuff is all good. Exciting. And TODAY - January 4th, I feel good! I will be getting on the treadmill this morning. I will do a core workout today. And if my stamina can hold out, I will go to a spin class tonight, where I will very likely work so hard I will feel like vomiting. Oh, I cannot wait!!!  Usually, once I get started, training becomes self-inspiring, self-motivating, self-perpetuating ... I have a strong endorphin high, and it actually feels good to "hurt"!

Maybe I need a transplant ... head? Body? Core? (definitely!), or maybe there is enough juice that I just need the jumper cables ... I hope so!  Not unlike my furnace, that struggled to work, I think I just need to clear the cobwebs, clean the chassis, and replace the oil, to get this engine going again.  I'll tell you what ... if I don't get some serious yardage in the pool soon, Durno will drop me like a rock in the 10,000 yrd swim at the end of January, and I'll be sick as a dog trying to keep the pace. We were something like 3 minutes over ... I want to say 3 hrs?? Like 3:03. So of course we want to go sub 3 this year. But Durno is lean, trained, fit and in the best shape of his life, even after just having knee surgery. Me? I'm doughy and sluggish. And I hate it! So, I need to stop whining about it and get my ass out to spin class, on the 'mill, and in the pool. No excuses! Flu is over. I WANT to do this!!  I have so many motivating people in my life, there just is no excuse. I should be on week 2 of my training plan for BR100, so I have some ground to make up. I will do it wisely and without causing injury by being an idiot.

I am surrounded by people who inspire and motivate me. I know that I can lean on them for support. I know, also, that part of this, hell MOST of this, is a personal journey. 2010 was driven by a need to feel valued, channeling pain and frustration, and carrying the weight of being a Triabetes Captain, and all that came with that commitment. When those things were gone, I fell off track and struggled all year with trying to make it a priority to get back on track, but with different motivation. I know that being healthy, as a Type 1 PWD, it's CRUCIAL that I remain fit, active and keep my weight down, my diet healthy. I should be doing this because I MUST! I know those things. I just need to work on my self-discipline. As I struggle with career challenges, I'm using that as an excuse sometimes, to not do what I need to do. Well, I can say with absolute certainty, that things are always - ALWAYS - more clear to me when I'm in the zone, training with regularity, purpose, and have a goal in mind. I am, very admittedly so, a goal-oriented person. I need that to fuel my drive. So, in struggling with career decisions, I've allowed that to derail my focus and commitment to training, which is totally ironic, because when training, things are so much more clear to me! I think more clearly, I see my problems and challenges, and my options are more clear. I can ride or run or swim for hours and think through what's wrong, what I need to do to get it right, come up with ideas to improve my quality of life, weigh out my options, feel excited about the future and end with a feeling of accomplishment, euphoria and success. This is a no-brainer! I am happiest when I'm training. I am least happy when I'm not. How much more simple can that be??

So, my next post WILL be about how good things have been going. I am going to work hard to get over that initial start-up hump, and move into the zone, so that I can blog about how amazing I feel! Plus, people want to read that so much more than whining. I do, at least. But here is place I can be honest about my struggles, successes and failures. Let's be honest, most people see FB posts and think my life is carefree and easy (okay, the flood/furnace/mud spa was obviously challenging, and I did vent there ... but otherwise, it's not an accurate snapshot of how things are going for me!). My closest friends, and husband, are aware of my struggles - personally, professionally, and these five people have been super supportive with listening, not judging, allowing me to speak honestly about the challenges I face right now. I am grateful and blessed. It gives me warm fuzzies to know that I have unconditional love and friendship from them! But there comes a time when you've got to be done talking about it and begin DOING things to change it. I am ready for that! I am ready to take action now, and not be just "wanting to", but instead "doing it"! I've been there before and I can get there again. It'll be different motivation, but hopefully, the same outcome: Pride in my effort. Pride in my work. Pride in what I'm doing. I'm ready to feel PROUD!

Tiff