Monday, May 23, 2011

Beginning again

Like many athletes, there is this period of ... lull? depression? sense of loss? Whatever you call it ... it's present after training for a big event. After the event. Plummet ...  I felt it first after my first IM, Rev3 in Sept. 2010.  I'm feeling it now.  I'm a goal-oriented chick - I need to be working toward SOMETHING to get me motivated. I have to have a goal, a key race, something. I admire those that exercise "just because" - but that's not me, and never has been.

The DNF at IMSG isn't painful, but it's still THERE ... hovering. I've spoken to many friends that have DNF'd a race and they, too, feel this similar feeling. Then I had a disappointing marathon. I LOVED running it - it feels super while I'm doing it! I'm euphoric with endorphins, and have this attitude of gratitude! But, my body wasn't ready. I'll be frank: I was unprepared for both races. It's not an excuse - it's my reality. I have culpability. And I can live with that. I'm not here to beat myself up ... I'm trying to treat myself the way I'd treat a dear friend. I'm trying to be supportive and encouraging. That's not easy, you know! How many of you emotionally beat yourself up during or after a race? Why do we do this?? I'm trying to change this within me. I'm patting myself on the back for the part that I DID accomplish. How many people ran 26.2 miles on 5/15? Small percentage of the people I know. But *I* did! The time wasn't pretty, but the miles were logged and, on that day, that was my best effort!

Now I must move FORWARD ... and I'm having difficulty with that at the moment. I cannot tell you why, because I just don't know. But I DO know that I don't like this feeling. It feels like I have no control - and being a "type A" personality, of course, the feeling of being out of control is ... well, not good.

Also, I'm changing jobs. And, it's the end of they school year so it seems as if every day there is some sort of child commitment to attend. And I want to be there, I do! But most of the time I'm not aware until the 11th hour, and there goes my plans.  My soon-to-be 10 yr old informed me this morning at 8 am that tonight is her recorder concert.  There goes the plans. Why didn't I know about this sooner? Well, because, likely, it fell through the many cracks I have in my life - being over-extended. I can't tell you how many times I meet someone then tell them about my life: my family, my jobs, my training, etc and they all say "Wow! How do you do that all??" Well, the answer is I do it all half-assed!  That's the truth!! :) I can own it.  So, I'm sure that the notice of the recorder concert was presented to me before today, but, it didn't make it to my calendar, and so I was unaware until 8 am today when Jaime told me.  Ugh.

With the job change comes new challenges. Teaching a new course. Kind of exciting, but labor intensive.  I have a few weeks to prepare, so I'm working hard to make this course a great one. Then there will be new people entering my life, and some friends "leaving" - not that they won't be friends, but I won't see them regularly. That makes me sad.

Now I need to find a way to rejuvenate my training. I've had my rest. Today begins week 1 of my IM training plan.  Will I get that run in??  I plan to. But you really can't be sure ... I could have a Hit-By-Car arrive at 1:50 and I'll need to attend to that pet.  If things go as planned, I WILL get that run in ...  before the recorder concert. :) Or after.  Or, back-up plan: tomorrow morning. I'm going to focus on getting the WEEKS training in sometime during THE WEEK. I cannot necessarily do the 3 or 5 hr ride that's scheduled for Thursdays, as I will be teaching from 8 am - 9pm. So, shuffle the ride to a day off and swap out a swim, that I can do at LTF AFTER my Anesthesiology class ends.

So, off to work I go. I am going to try to find a new way to approach training for this race. It's the first time I can say I'm working for THIS SPECIFIC RACE as my "A" race. I am going to see if I can't look at each week, as a whole, and take a different approach. In the past, it's been day to day, with catch-up on weekends.  I want to change that. I'm willing to arise at 4:30 to get my workouts done. I've done it before. And, honestly, the best, longest sustained training I've done was for my first 70.3 in 2009.  That had me getting MOST of my stuff done in the AM.  I'm thinking that's how I will need to jump start this training plan. We'll see ....

Off to work... peace out!

1 comment:

  1. I googled "just gonna" for no reason other then that it was the lyric in the song I was listening to at that moment and got this. It was a very interesting read. Thank you.